French Kiss Misfire

Misfiring the French kiss

The first date was going well!   The first in a long while.   He smiled when he saw me and greeted me warmly with a light hug.  The conversation seemed to flow well – and I found myself laughing.  While some dates can feel like an interrogation, on this date I felt comfortable being myself.  It was a goal I had – to just be myself.  It sounds silly – I mean who else can I be but myself, but on the last several dates, I felt extremely guarded and kept myself hidden.    Over two hours of conversation and one glass of chardonnay, Gary asked me out again.  He paid the bill and walked me to my car.  As we stopped by my car to say good night, he leaned over to kiss me.  As I he lips approached, I saw the tongue – right between his lips.  As his lips touched mine, I felt the tongue on my lips. All slimy.   Is this guy for real?  Even in the most romantic of settings, I don’t want to see the tongue lead.

I am immediately  taken back to when I was 25 years old, working on my masters degree at University of Wisconsin – and had a similar kissing experience – first kiss, his tongue in the lead.  It was gross.  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a good tongue exploration, but not on the first kiss.   The first kiss should be all lips and long enough to say I am interested in more, but not too long to imply I am looking for a hook up.  After all, we have just met.  As soon as Gary’s wet tongue touched my lips, I hastily retreated from the kiss.  We hugged, and then as we drew apart, he tried again, but this time he kept his tongue inside his mouth.  The kiss was better, but still slimy and not pleasurable.  He said he’d call me.   As I opened the door to my car, I remembered, I never gave him my number.  I did not see him again.

After some repeat offenders, has it become necessary to include a section on this in my dating profile?  Perhaps “I don’t speak “french” on the first date.  Alternatively, I could just wear a t-shirt on the first date that says…   “Unless you are Mick Jagger, don’t lead with your tongue.”

One of my friends suggested that if I otherwise like the guy, I should tolerate bad kissing as I can train him how to kiss.  These are 50 year old + men.  If they can’t kiss by now, I am not going to be able to train them!  Am I wrong?

I think good kissing will light the fire – a slow burning fire that will stay lit.  A good kisser is on my list of “wants” in a relationship.  Bad french kissers need to move along.  Next!

Here’s to continuing the journey.

Warmly – Lucy